Boots
Some weeks ago I discussed the Vimes' economical theory, based on the difference between cheap boots and expensive ones. Now, looking to replace my good boots, I find the same manufacturer has no boots of that level of quality available anymore, specially the soles, which in a well made boot is a critical component and usually the reason for replacement, as guaranteeing water proofing with a repaired sole is difficult, and repair half soles do not have the same durability.
It is a subject I know well because I have worked many uears with rubber shoe soles and shoe sole manufacturers, even making mixes of different compounds, colours and properties. So in many cases people take the easy way out rather than the durable one.
I can get boots with the quality I want, but they are either luxury brands or clearly hiking boots, rather than an urban one that can handle some mistreatment. Most of the boots I am seeing have a military look that I do not like. I have found some motorist boots that look good, but they are not made for walking, which is my main interest. Too many supposedly rubber soles are actually polyurethane, which is a light, durable and comfortable material, but has a terrible wet grip. Right now I hesitate between hiking, that at least will be good for walking, or some work safety boots, but I fear the oil resistant rubber will last less, without being a benefit for what I want the boots for.
Superstition?
Last week I mentioned the presence of origami cranes at home, and even my aspiration to fold a thousand cranes, though I must say I am well aware that will not make a wish become true.
There are several items and gestures that I carry or perform that might well be considered I do because they are lucky, or I avoid because they are unlucky.
From a rational point of view, I cannot consider that any action will be inherently lucky or unlucky, though some may be riskier than others. So, why do I do them?
There is no satisfactory answer. The unsatisfactory answer is that the objects or the actions help me get in the right mindset, so I am more effective or more focused by doing a ritual or the presence of a particular object. These are those I am aware of.
- Paper cranes. I like to have at least one in the living room, and if none is apparent I will make one. It stabilizes me, a sign all is well.
- Japanese temple blessings. We got two at the Todai-ji, Nara, for safety while traveling. We intended them as a present for family when we returned, but at that point, and not having had any mishap since we got them (and a few before), we just retained them, and the last twenty years I have tried to have the charm in one of the pieces of luggage I take with me while traveling. It is part of my packing ritual, to add the charm to the on-board pack. But I have checked, and while I just assumed it was in a pocket in my travel backpack the last couple of long trips, it actually was in a document case I used two months ago, because it is leather and Italian, so better for a certain kind of customer. So clearly I do not check it always, I just do a mental checkmark.
- Coins. I will always pick up any coin I see in the ground, no matter the value. This is probably more obsession than anything else, though I was told that if you reject luck, by not picking an almost worthless coin, luck will reject you. I think it helps me to keep pay attention to my surroundings. I tend to notice more things than other people I know, including coins, but also holes, graffiti, and street art, and picking things up (not only coins) is one of the tricks to keep paying attention. And once you pick it up, there is no reason to throw it away as I would a golden candy wrapper. I have picked up a couple of times wallets with sizable amounts of money, but I took them to the police, so that did not benefit me directly.
- Lucky charms. I have two objects in my office table, a Bibendum keyring and an Egyptian resin pyramid. I often handle them when stressed or under pressure. The Bibendum keyring was a gift from a Michelin executive and it symbolizes the twenty years of work to become a Michelin supplier. A reinforcement of my trust on own ability. The pyramid is just a reminder than traveling for business has its own benefits, such as visiting the pyramids and having an Egyptian customer gift it to me. I suppose they are a mark of a good job done. But yes, seeing me handling one while psyching up for a difficult phone call would give the impression they are a lucky amulet.
- Others. Never had a lucky underwear, but for some time had a lucky shirt. It was quite different from the rest of my wardrobe so when I wore it I received more positive comments and maybe some extra attention, which is why it was "lucky".
I do not go under ladders if I can help it, but that is not superstition, just risk analysis.
Tears
Last week I found myself weeping suddenly in a most unusual of places, an Origami museum.
There are quite a few stimuli or situations that make me tear up, most of them too personal to tell publicly.
However there is one that I am not afraid to acknowledge, because I hope it is a sign that of my own humanity. It started visiting Hiroshima in 2010, and it grew up during the visit to the remnants, the monument and the museum, till it reached a point where just seeing the skeleton of the dome, or some image that I can clearly associate with the Bomb and I am taken by a sudden anguish and I have to choke back the tears and try hard to recover my composure.
I have been affected by sites before, some of them powerfully, such as Ypres or the military graveyards in Cambrai or Normandy. Auschwitz made me physically ill, but it does not bring tears now, possibly because it made me angry rather than sad. But I think it is the pointlessness of the nuclear bombs. It was not actual evil as in the camps, it was carelessness and disregard for the enemies, but what possibly makes it worse is that most of the people involved had good intentions. That makes it, for me, even more horrible, because I cannot get angry with the bomber crews, or the scientists, or even President Truman. I could get angry with the Imperial Japanese government, as they were responsible for many things, but not the Bomb.
The image that turned me over this time was a photo of Sadako Sasaki, who made famous the legend that if you fold a thousand paper cranes, your wish will become true. I cannot link to the story as it tears me up again, but it is to be expected in an Origami museum.. Google it if you do not know it. I am unable to differentiate her from any Japanese girl her age, but seeing a black and white image of a young Japanese girl and the folded cranes made the connection, and inmediately I misted over and lost my voice for a few minutes.
Curiously the cranes themselves, even tied up to make a thousand, as they are often shown in Japan, make me happy rather than sad, and I usually have several cranes around our living room, though I am very far from a thousand yet.
This took much longer to write than expected. The tears seem to be a conditioned response, so I just need to think about Hiroshima, and specially if I see a visual reminder, and I am taken over by grief. It is subconscious, but it just shows how thin is the veneer of control that the conscious has over what we really feel.
Yet it is quite specific, as I can see the castle, or a Hiroshima okonomiyaki, and I smile, remembering the 2010 trip. Only something that my mind links to the Bomb has the effect, and the links are bizarre, as I have sat on a reproduction of "Little Boy" with little effect, while a photo of lonely B29 in an empty sky hits me hard. Black and white seems to work better than colour, at least in how I react to the Genbaku Dome, so I can see colour images without a significant effect, unless something else provokes a cascade effect.
Maybe I should bring up such an image before funerals, as so far I am unable to cry in that situation.
¶ 7:28 PM
War Games
Most of my life I have gamed war. It may be part of the typical education in the 70s, where war dominated the past and menaced the future, or something intrinsic to boys, but most of the childhood games were about war. In my case that continued in a more structured way. Wargames, now often called Historical Simulation Games. were one of my main hobbles, and were so for many years.
I cannot be sure what came first, the interest in war or in history, and which one brought the other with it. But as it is usually the case, games developed their own dynamic, of triumph over others, of self-superation and personal image. Competition becomes an end in itself, and you start to lose the perspective of what is being simulated and what the actions taken in the game would mean in the histoical context. Years later, as finding opponents interested in the same games became difficult, the computer enables you both to play without a human opponent, but also as a communication medium to play with people anywhere in the world.
It is surprising to me that I can play face to face with strangers, take part in tournaments and sometimes spend a lot of time and money joining such an event, and I have many problems playing online with someone I do not know, preferring mechanical opponents to real, unknown ones.
In the last years, however, I have been drifting away. I still play violent games in the computer, and I enjoy competition, though a bit less as I am less capable than in the past, so I lose more often, but the historical aspect draws me less and less. Maybe it is a late maturity, realising what it means when a cardboard counter is taken out of the board, or what a German victory in WWII means, but it is less pleasurable.
So I prefer abstract or fanatstic games than games based in reality. On the other hand I have been reusing and refreshing part of the encyclopedic knowledge of weapons that I had, driven by the war in Ukraine. It does not help that most of the critical battles in the Eastern front took place in Ukraine, so it is a territory I know well in maps and names. All those places I have fought with cardboard where people are suffering and dying right now.
A reality shock.
I suppose some people are working already in a game for the initial Russian invasion, to see if it was possible for the Russian plan to succeed. But I do not really want to know at this point. It was something similar with the Yugoslavian civil war. It is different when it is wars in your life than wars in the past. And now almost all wars. So I take refuge mostly in antiquity. It seems I can handle Alexander successors better. Or they have been dead longer.
¶ 10:41 AM
